“Have kids!” they said. “It’ll be fun!” they said. Yea, about that….. I have two kids, ages 2 (we’ll call her Sally) and 15 (we’ll call him Sam.) Both of them were oops babies, but both were welcomed with open arms and have been my world since day one! I would give my right arm for these two, and definitely break a neck if someone messed with them! But let’s be honest here, these ravenous monsters often get on our last nerve and push us to our utmost limits! The joke has been on me since day one lol! Here are some reasons why kids are the worst!

#1 They’re Lazy. And Dirty.

Walking through the mall a few days ago, we go to the eatery to get some food. I had Sally connected to a backpack restraint leash and Sam is drooling over food right next to me. Well….. things got too quiet. I look next me and this lovely little monster has decided to lay down- ON THE EATERY FLOOR- WHERE THOUSANDS OF DIRTY SHOES WALK!! I couldn’t believe it. I threw my credit card to Sam and rushed the baby to to washroom to clean her up. I have never scrubbed skin so effectively before that! (Yes, I may be a bit OCD lol)

#2 They Smell Funky

I don’t care where it is, in my house, car, or in public that I am, I swear the funkiness is just stuck in my nose! I’m constantly taking a whiff of dirty diaper, smelly breath, crusty under pants, or shoe grub. I’m not even joking. I make these two bathe everyday and still yet it lingers in my nose. I’m sure that the air freshener companies love me by now!

#3 They Whine. Constantly.

I thought Sam would’ve grown out of whining and screaming by now, but contrary to my belief, it has only gotten worse! It seems that the more and louder the baby gets, the more jealous he gets and tries to exceed the volume. And then they start whining to me about one another’s whining. It’s ridiculous. It’s sad that human muzzles would be inhumane and illegal to use!

#4 You Have to Teach Them Everything
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Why is this the worst?? Not because I have to take the time out of the day to teach them. I actually delve into that and love it! (I used to be an elementary school teacher.) But because these two just don’t get it! I’m exhausted! Washing the dishes is a no brainer, but conveniently my boy surely doesn’t remember how to scrub that dried on ranch off of that plate! Every time! Or when asking to clean up the floor full of toys, Sally looks at me like I’m speaking chinese! Every time! I know these kids are smarter than this!

#5 I’m required to bring a 33 lb suitcase every time we leave the house.

From diapers, to wipes, a bottle, a sippy cup, some snacks for both kids, 10 changes of clothes, a tablet computer, a book, a bottle of soda, his phone and ear buds. That’s insane!! My back hurts!!

#6 Understanding Them is A Challenge

They’re screaming ALL. THE. TIME. At one another, at me, when crying, when they’re excited, when they’re angry. Plus Sally is still learning to talk properly. I’ve developed a whole ‘nother language that I’m positive I can market and become a millionaire with!

Truthfully though, these two little hellians are my world. I would give them anything to make sure they are happy and healthy! No matter how crazy they make me, I love them. I would be no one today without them! I keep my serenity in check FOR THEM. 😘✌

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66 thoughts on “Reasons Why Kids Are The Worst

  1. what a brilliant and funny read! I don’t have kids but I have a niece and all what you wrote is so true lol!! Especially the bit about smelling funky for sure!

  2. I should say this is quite an entertaining post. Every time someone asks me the question, why I don’t have kids, I should point them towards this post.

  3. What a great humorous post. I don’t have children, but have had foster children. I totally appreciate the challenges and I love the humour you bring to it, all the while showing just how much you love your two. πŸ™‚

    1. Lol they’re always such messy stories! But trust me, your life will change and it will be a welcoming change πŸ˜‰

  4. Hahahaha! This was just the funny read I needed. 7 days before baby arrives… I wonder… How will this baby be different than my first. I’m sure they’re going to team up on me once they’re about the same age. AAahhhhhh parenthood lol.

    1. Congratulations on your new baby!! Lol even though it may irritate you when they do gang up on you, years later you will appreciate that! πŸ˜‰

  5. This made me giggle several times. I love my little humans, more than I could ever imagine. But, this is so true. This is the reality some days and that’s ok, as mother’s it should be ok to admit!

    1. I really wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world, they have made life that much more enjoyable! I know you can relate πŸ˜‰

  6. LMAO!! this post was hilarious!! This is how I feel about all of my friends kids despite how much I love them lol. This gave me a great laugh!! Thanks!

    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ The purse is worse than an extra bag! Aunts are great… You get to love those babies and spoil them all you want and then pass them off home! πŸ˜‰

    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I just died reading that! That was probably the best comment yet….. you’re welcome! Lol

    1. Lol with people like me continuing to put up these crazy stories about kids, you may never have any! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  7. This is such a funny and refreshing read! I have a 12 year-old and can totally relate to most of this article. Reassuring to know it’s not just me! πŸ˜‰

    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Kids are a beautiful disaster! Completely stressful at times, but make life that much better! πŸ˜‰

  8. This is funny – I love reading moms’ point of views on how the are experiencing motherhood. It is messy, smelly, annoying journey at times but overall it’s the best thing in this world!

  9. As a mom of 5, I can totally relate! My kids constantly lay on a public floor, or eat off it, or do something gross off of it and I have told them not to at least a million times and WHY! It is mind boggling! Thanks for the laugh.

  10. “Raises hand” I totally relate to everything here!! I also have an age gap (13 and 1) and it’s like I have to carry an arsenal of items every time we leave. Thank you for making me giggle today!

  11. Oh do I feel you on all of those! I have 4 kids (8, 6, 5, 3) and you were right on. The smell! like what is it? why is there always a smell? The one I liked the most was the suitcase. I for once just want to go somewhere, and not have to bring a suitcase along with me. the majority of the time, we don’t even ended up using what’s in it, but every time I forget we of course need something.

  12. The 33 pound suitcase is a real struggle! I swear the first time my husband and I went on a trip without our baby I kept thinking “I feel like we are forgetting something… the trunk seems way too empty.”

  13. LOL I enjoyed the list! I have two little monsters…a.k.a. loves who are my world, but man they can truly stretch my patience to limits I didn’t know I had. They are both extremely loud, which is crazy to me because I am very quiet. I’m always reminding them to quiet down, but they don’t remember. It goes along with that teaching part. I love teaching them all the new things that they need to understand, but if they could follow through with some of them that would be great πŸ™‚

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