“Have kids!” they said. “It’ll be fun!” they said. Yea, about that….. I have two kids, ages 2 (we’ll call her Sally) and 15 (we’ll call him Sam.) Both of them were oops babies, but both were welcomed with open arms and have been my world since day one! I would give my right arm for these two, and definitely break a neck if someone messed with them! But let’s be honest here, these ravenous monsters often get on our last nerve and push us to our utmost limits! The joke has been on me since day one lol! Here are some reasons why kids are the worst!
#1 They’re Lazy. And Dirty.
Walking through the mall a few days ago, we go to the eatery to get some food. I had Sally connected to a backpack restraint leash and Sam is drooling over food right next to me. Well….. things got too quiet. I look next me and this lovely little monster has decided to lay down- ON THE EATERY FLOOR- WHERE THOUSANDS OF DIRTY SHOES WALK!! I couldn’t believe it. I threw my credit card to Sam and rushed the baby to to washroom to clean her up. I have never scrubbed skin so effectively before that! (Yes, I may be a bit OCD lol)
#2 They Smell Funky
I don’t care where it is, in my house, car, or in public that I am, I swear the funkiness is just stuck in my nose! I’m constantly taking a whiff of dirty diaper, smelly breath, crusty under pants, or shoe grub. I’m not even joking. I make these two bathe everyday and still yet it lingers in my nose. I’m sure that the air freshener companies love me by now!
#3 They Whine. Constantly.
I thought Sam would’ve grown out of whining and screaming by now, but contrary to my belief, it has only gotten worse! It seems that the more and louder the baby gets, the more jealous he gets and tries to exceed the volume. And then they start whining to me about one another’s whining. It’s ridiculous. It’s sad that human muzzles would be inhumane and illegal to use!
Why is this the worst?? Not because I have to take the time out of the day to teach them. I actually delve into that and love it! (I used to be an elementary school teacher.) But because these two just don’t get it! I’m exhausted! Washing the dishes is a no brainer, but conveniently my boy surely doesn’t remember how to scrub that dried on ranch off of that plate! Every time! Or when asking to clean up the floor full of toys, Sally looks at me like I’m speaking chinese! Every time! I know these kids are smarter than this!
#5 I’m required to bring a 33 lb suitcase every time we leave the house.
From diapers, to wipes, a bottle, a sippy cup, some snacks for both kids, 10 changes of clothes, a tablet computer, a book, a bottle of soda, his phone and ear buds. That’s insane!! My back hurts!!
#6 Understanding Them is A Challenge
They’re screaming ALL. THE. TIME. At one another, at me, when crying, when they’re excited, when they’re angry. Plus Sally is still learning to talk properly. I’ve developed a whole ‘nother language that I’m positive I can market and become a millionaire with!
Truthfully though, these two little hellians are my world. I would give them anything to make sure they are happy and healthy! No matter how crazy they make me, I love them. I would be no one today without them! I keep my serenity in check FOR THEM. 😘✌